The Da Vinci Load of Shit

My brother Simon and his Itallian girlfriend, Illainia, both ardent Catholics are going to join with the local chapter of the Catholic League to protest the premier of the DaVinci Code this evening. The Catholic Church is worried that the message of the film with create more instability within the church and its followers. Being a Catholic, I'm privy to some of the reasons why we should avoid the film on theocratic grounds.

-The film postulates that Da Vinci would ejaculate into his inks and used the tainted art material to create his finest works. Many men who see DaVinci's works, such as the Mona Lisa have felt compelled to engage in various homosexual acts because of this. No doubt a method for Da Vinci to create more homosexualists.

-Acording to the film and the book, if you move up up, then down down then left right, left right, then hit the B Button and then the A button before pressing start, you'll be granted 30 lives. This is in direct contrast witht the Catholic Church that says that we have only one life and can "continue" into the next through acceptance of Jesus Christ, our savior, who died on the cross for our sins.

-The film suggests that the earth rotates around the sun. This is preposterous. The truth is that the sun and the stars revolve around the earth. Another scientific note is that lava comes from hell and that eruptions happen when there's an overcrowding in Hell. AFter the release of the book, there has been more eruptions than ever recorded in human history. It's quite possible that the release of the film might cause the Rockies to return to their volcanic state in the next 30 years as viewers of the film begin to die off.